What I need to improve:
As stated by Paez (2017), each panel needs to serve a purpose. My first shot serves the purpose of establishing the location. The second shot to the forth is dynamic movement (hence the lack of visual attraction.) these shots are a transition. The next shots are not needed, hence the red cross. The second red crossed shot is not logically correct in the sense of reflections, and needs to be replaced by a shot showing her head poking up across from the boat. I want to focus on her facial expression- it's an introduction to the first character and her emotions.
Once again, I am removing the teardrop scene as it serves no purpose. I want to change the tear wipe and eye look to be in the reflection. I may remove the leaves as the eye line is enough to direct the view to the other character. I need to rework on composition on some of the shots to make them more aesthetically pleasing. Whats is essential for me is to get the emotions of both characters across.
The long-shot works well showing how alone and empty she feels. Although I would like to add a extreme close-ups to empathise her emotions and create a relationship with the character, in the background, however, I would like to add asymmetry as Paez (2017) says this represents feelings of chaoticness- the way my character feels.
The water soaks the male character; waking him up. In the third shot I want to show him more shocked, and confused. the emotional beat is when he understands that she has jumped- I want him to see her missing, and have instant reaction from calm to scared, upset, worried, shock. I want to get the message across how important she was to him, to the audience. I was them to see the consequences.
For an more emotional impact; i want him not to be able to see her in the last frame except for bubbles. I want to shift from horizontals to diagonals to show him going from calm to active in his panic (Paez, 2017, p.12).
This storyboard panel cuts back to her perceptive. I want the first row to change shots increasingly fast; I also want to add more angels. I want this scene to be scary, hard to understand, overwhelming, and uncomfortable to represent how scary and painful death really is- I don't want to glorify her choice.
The second row of shots is much slower, and the angels don't change as much. I want to show her surrounded by darkness, and how lonely it is. Close to death.
I want the first three panels to be long cuts, showing her making a long decision if she wants to try and survive. however the last action I want to be quick as her thought to decide to stay- the easier option.
I was thinking of having a long shot of her on the first row to be a long shot, to empathise her giving into the darkness of her mind, and deciding not to live. However, having a close up of her face and a match shot of him crying is an direct message of the effect on both of them, her deaths impact. I want to show him blowing out the lantern, and the screen going black. The audience thinks this is the end.
The moon appears in the darkness, and shows us the boat, with him still crying. Some time has passed and the character is still crying. Instead of having a main shot of her climbing in the boat, I want this to be shown in an almost over the shoulder shot. Having two focal points.
I want to show them hugging for a long time. I want the shot to return to the first shot of them on the boat, but hugging and a sunrise. I want the credits to be the sunrise reflecting in the water.
Overall:
I want to add in more shots of the second character, and show a build up of the first characters emotions. I want to show the fact she is hiding them from him.
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